This is not four years ago...

While reflecting, I decided to write this as a way to open up this blogging space and to share with you some of how this process is going for me underneath my hood.  I tiled this post, “this is not four years ago” to try and capture in a few words a sense of growth and progression inside a type of romantic nostalgia.

 Thinking back four years ago to where I was...  I’m in my sophomore year in school. My life up until that point was an accumulation of choices and decisions I’ve made.  I had come to a period where I had to decide or start deciphering how I was going to use all of my experiences to find meaning for my future and to find meaning for my present while affirming that yes my past was necessary. 

Life is different from baking a cake you know.  When baking a cake you have the ingredients and you know that if you add two eggs with batter, milk and water you will wind up with a cake. (In case you are wondering I bake fantastic cakesJ )  In life you can hope and pray that what you are doing now will have some meaningful and profound impact on your life in the future. But you just don’t know.  I participate in things and place myself in situations that I think now will benefit me for the future.  But I just don’t know. 

Over my whole life, but especially the last few years my spiritual life is blossoming into a beautiful garden ;). In my uncertainty about the relevance of the things I’m doing now, I trust that God, or the universe, or fate will work itself out in my life. Alls I can do is keep moving forward so that I cause the world to react to me, rather than me reacting to whatever the world causes.

I say this is not four years ago as a statement, an affirmation, a declaration, to say that Ive come a long way since then.  And even if I couldn’t then see how the decisions I made would affect my life now, I can stand here now and say that everyone who had a hand in making me the person I am today did an okay job. J But again I find myself at a major crossroad where I am presented with major decisions.  I trust and I pray that what I choose to do now will give meaning to my life and prepare me for my future. 

I started this post saying that this is not four years ago, I will end it saying this is not four years from now.  But I will see you when I get there and hopefully we will have some cool stuff to talk about. 

Cheers,

M